Friday 23 December 2011

Oranges are not the only fruit.

Strange little story about a hypothetical council today, this has no relationship whatever to local events and any comments should be also framed in a hypothetical form.

One way or another god has had a bit of a downer on the eating of apples and has always encouraged the eating of oranges and for, well a very long time the apple eaters have done their apple eating on the quiet.

There are some groups who believe god is a woman, whatever the truth of this he has been very quiet on the subject of cherries and on the whole they have never been used for political purposes.

Anyway fairly recently in terms of the very long time, the eating of apples stopped being illegal, in fact it became illegal to persecute people for eating apples, if god had anything to say about this she didn’t say.

Some of the churches though remained pretty strict about this and anyone eating apples was certainly frowned upon. The eating of the young apples and oranges that weren’t yet ripe is of course a different thing altogether and is against the law, however it seemed that some members of the churches, where any apple eating had to be done in secret had also been eating some of the apples and oranges that weren’t ripe at all, in secret. Nothing much you understand has been said or will be said here about cherries.

Anyway into all this political and religious confusion comes Don a young chap keen on apples and he joins the orange party who although they once had no truck with apple eaters have now adopted a more pragmatic approach. Well they had to really, anyone persecuting an apple eater could wind up in a lot of trouble with the law.

Anyway Don tells them that he is an apple eater and asks if this will cause any problems if he runs for office. They tell Don that this is no problem at all and in fact one of their own prominent politicians is also an apple eater, but of course they don’t exactly advertise the fact. But as a lot of the voters are also apple eaters so they don’t exactly cover it up either.

Well Don says he wouldn’t want to advertise his apple eating either, for one thing his old mum is very religious and would probably go apoplectic if she found out he had been eating apples.

Everything goes well and Don stands for election as an orange party candidate, the apple eaters vote for him because they know he is an apple eater and the people whose religious convictions are against apple eaters vote for him, because he is standing for the orange party. 

Then comes a bit of a problem for Don, in the village he represents business isn’t so good and the shopkeepers and shoppers, many of who voted for him, say to him. “In the next village, where they elected a well known Orange party candidate and parking is free there, while we have to pay for it, can you sort this out for us.”

So anyway Don goes and tells the chiefs of the orange party that he won’t vote for parking charges in his village, frankly the villagers would make his life hell if he did.

To this the chiefs of the orange party say. “You can’t do that Don, it may not look like it but the parking in your little village street makes lots of money for our good causes” Don isn’t really sure about this but it is obvious that his villagers really aren’t going to believe that the parking money gathered in their little village is very significant and what with that and the next village down the road having free parking, Don is in a bit of a no win situation. So Don says to the orange party chiefs. “Too bad I am going to vote for the free parking anyway.” So the orange party chiefs say. “In that case we will put it around that you have been eating apples.”

The orange party think the lemon party are load of trouble makers and worse of all they hold 10 seats while the orange party hold 11 and being trouble makers you can pretty much guarantee that what ever the orange party vote for the lemon party will vote against. Of course the lemon party think the same thing about the orange party and while all this is going on the lemon party have decided to challenge the orange party’s leadership. This is partly because one of the orange party members is away and partly because there are a few politicians that don’t belong to either party and they have done a deal with the orange party which seems to be wearing a bit thin.

The lemon party have a bit of a different history on the eating of apples, but it is as well to remember they have the same sort of proportion of religious members and no one really wants to wind up god.

In recent years the lemon party has been right behind the eating of apples although predominantly made up of orange eaters, of course the orange party came along first, so they grabbed the name orange party.

Anyway the lemon party had decided to hold this vote saying that they had no confidence in the leader of the orange party and Don thought that one way or another going along with this one would get the free parking.

However having done this there are the orange party who know he has been at the apples and still holding this over him.

So anyway what with the lemon party being very friendly and saying that they will look after Don he goes one step further and votes for the lemon party leader.

So now a situation has developed where the lemon party’s hold on power is dependant on someone the orange party has a hold over, either continuing to support the lemon party or at least not supporting the orange party.  

Of course members of the lemon party would like to be able to say that the orange party have done wrong here, by persecuting someone for eating apples, but the orange party haven’t done anything wrong.

In fact if anyone were to even suggest that the orange party have persecuted anyone for eating apples, then the orange party may take legal action against them, for suggesting that the orange party have broken the law when they haven’t.   

I will ramble on with this one 


  1. sorry about this I posted a TDC press release here instead of on the press release blog and deleted this post instead of that post buy mistake, here are the comments I deleted as well.

    Cllr. Mike Harrison said...
    I suppose the thing is that everyone in the lemon party knows that Don has eaten apples and couldnt care less, what Don eats in his own dining room is up to him. And Don has never said he hasnt eaten apples.
    I suppose the Orange party are now left eating sour grapes.
    23 December 2011 13:55

    Michael Child said...
    Mike not really that simple as the Lemon party like Don can’t just say that don has been eating apples, as if they did Don’s religious mum would have an apoplectic fit.

    And there is also the problem of the members of the lemon party who are a bit cautious about winding up god.
    23 December 2011 14:07

  2. Pithy to the core, and enlightening - thank you.

  3. Does your photo show how the Orange party have left Ramsgate Royal Sands after nearly 10 years in office?

  4. In the fullness of time will the lemons turn out to be bitter?

  5. Pink Ladies, Cox's - Let them eat apples...maybe not too many Granny Smith's though!

  6. Is this the same council were the leader of the Orange party once sucked up to a number of Kiwis and a few Pyrus pyrifolia?

    Or is it the same council that was run like a Banana republic?

  7. Sounds like they are all a bunch of stewed fruits

  8. A bit of a compote then

  9. I think someone might be putting two apples and two oranges together and making six. My granny smith can't stand the church and is quite aware that I like both apples and oranges :) lol

    But there is quite a dislike of apples in the orange bowl.. the local oranges are the problem. They are twenty years behind.

  10. Most oranges don't care what fruit Don likes. One orange wants to know which other oranges are being so bitter to Don, because they arent proper oranges. Don said one orange was being particularly bitter and that other oranges in a group were helping him. He removed it from the grapevines a while later but because an orange and a lemon saw it and told the grapes, Don got very upset and told the orange that if he didnt remove it, Don would get one of his friends to put the orange into a press. The grapes seem to agree with the orange.

    The orange thinks Don needs to realise he's a grown man and start acting like one.

  11. I do not give a fig for these politics. Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in a trifle.[Well, I had to join in.]

  12. Don thinks that the nieve orange is patronising as he is in no position to judge!

  13. Peter or naïve and I suppose you can call someone a naïf , but nieve means a clenched fist I think.

  14. lol Merry Christmas Michael, Peter and all the fruit cakes ;)

  15. And to you John, I look at it like this if Don had been female and living two thousand years ago, she could have been wandering around pregnant having to prove to god bothering types that she was actually a virgin.


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